Lost

Don't you hate when you swear to yourself that you will do something and you always get overwhelmed or distracted by something else that seems to have a greater importance? Same here.

 

This past year I decided to start a blog. This blog to be exact. But like usual, life got in the way. This past year I have had many difficult struggles with friends and family. So since this blog is one of the only places for me to say things without feeling insecure, I have come to tell my problems to you.

 

As a kid I have always had friends. I constantly had people by my side. For example, at my middle school graduation everybody got a poem written about them and mine was about how if there was a party I was sure to be there.

 

I started to realize that me and my friends were very mean. People would always try to approach us and we would turn our backs or pretend we didn't see them. Deep inside of my heart I knew it was wrong and God was getting me to realize this slowly but surely. Also, my grades were dropping and the teachers would always call us out for talking.

 

My final wake up call was when my friends mother who was also my bible teacher announced to all the girls in my grade that "The group of six girls that is founded on evil and gossip needs to disband immediately" Obviously, us six started to talk afterwards and everyone was wondering why people thought we were mean. I mean we always include everyone! Right? Wrong. If you had checked social media it would only be us six in a photo and nobody else.

 

This is when I decided to slowly abandon the group. I started to hang out with different people and by now it was pretty obvious that I wasn't with them anymore. So even if I tried to talk to them they would completely ignore me. Like full out toddler mode. So right now over a year has passed and I am still in the same situations. I have no good friends only people I occasionally talk to. My life has become so lonely. The girl who used to be at all of the parties is rarely invited anywhere. I finally decided to talk to my mother about it and she responded saying the reason I have no friends is maybe because I am so mean to everyone around me. If only she knew.